So, I got to see a few of my old coworkers yesterday. One of them who has moved away, was in town for a while and organized a picnic. Being there and spending time with everyone made me feel very lucky… lucky to see them, and also lucky to have been invited. But, throughout the whole event, even though I was having a lot of fun, I also couldn’t shake the slight feeling of sadness. I could not, for the life of me, figure out why. The sunshine, the grass, the food, the company… it was all so nice, so what was wrong? Then it hit me, I realized it was very likely that I was not going to have a chance to see these people again for a long time, if at all. Somehow, seeing them all again after several months, made this thought even harder to process. It was like giving in and seeing your ex months after the break-up. Opens up the wound again. How’s that for dramatic?
Anyways, this feeling of something coming to an end has got to be one of the worst feelings, I think. It’s the same feeling I had for weeks, even months, before my last day of work. Or, even just the last day of school as a kid… I can still hear those end of school bells ringing. These are the times when you know the end is coming, but imagine those times when the end of something, like a friendship, comes out of the blue. Getting surprised with an abrupt end to something, especially when it’s out of your control, can be a huge shock to the system. Just today, I was bussing home, straight through the West end of Ottawa, past all my childhood / young adult hangouts… high school, college, summer jobs, favorite stores, and even an apartment building I lived in briefly. What a weird feeling! All the flashbacks, memories… quite the emotional journey I went through.
This was when it all dawned on me, just the feeling of knowing something’s in the past and you will never experience it again, can really suck. Knowing I will never again walk down that path to the apartment I lived in, or ever stand at that bus stop again, or, worst of all, see that co-worker that meant so much to me who has moved away. Knowing it’s the end… sucks.